“It’s a keynote topic at non-technology conferences.”
“It timed it’s analysis of life, the universe and everything, then threw away the answer.”
“It’s won awards for the interesting project names it has spawned.”
“It caused an Native American reservation to name a casino Bigdata”
“It’s a Function of its own popularity.”
“It was invited to the Royal Wedding, but declined to attend a SF Giants away game.”
“The Smithsonian credits it for ushering in the Cloud Era.”
“It used 42,000 nodes to process 200 Petabytes, just to keep a small town warm.”
“It once calculated and predicted the future at a psychic conference.”
“Its founder lives on the Cutting edge.”
“It told SQL No! But allowed it when millions begged for leniency.”
“It has single handedly made programming cool again.”
“It is now the most common name given by handlers to their elephants.”
“It has been asked by top chefs to share Reduction techniques.”
“It was invited to the Royal Wedding, but declined to attend a SF Giants away game.” (Again? It should have removed this in the group phase)
“It navigated Amazon armed only with a Map.”
“It’s been responsible for more Startups than NASCAR”
“For non Startups it’s a way of reinventing themselves by saying “We run on Hadoop””
“It borrows from Dr Zeus for technology spin offs”
“It allows IBM to change the color of their kettle and claim that no more than 2 distros are the way to go”
“It’s the only conferences that Oracle does not sponsor or even show up at”
“Call it Big, call it Extreme, but never call it irrelephant”
It’s allowing punny techie t-shirts to make a come back:
– “I’m not stacking off, my code is compiling”
– “Stay clear of me, I have Hive(s)”
– “I just mapped my lunch, and I’m now reducing it”
– I may not always have to retain Big Data. But when I do, I prefer using RainStor (disclosure: my current company) with Hadoop HDFS.
This was very funny. I have several favorites, but the predicting the future of a psychic conference split my side.